I change my skin
every now and then
if we built sparks some time ago
I hope you know that it won’t last long
and you could’ve seen
that my smile is be genuine
and I could have loved you despite the flaws
and everything in between
the moment you stepped on me
just for yourself
was the exact moment
that I decided to set you free.
Click here to check out a list of my poems.
My ideal version of my self is someone that’s fun to be with, mostly because I am aware that I am the least fun to be with. I’ve always been the kind that’s silent. I’ve always been a follower. I never planned a party or a nightout on my own. When I am somewhere else aside from my room, that’s because some extrovert dragged me there. Days before a gathering I’d always think ahead and worry of being left alone in a venue full of people. I’d worry that I’d never blend in, that I’d just sit alone in a table while everyone else keeps up with each other – and these are not worries out of blue because I’ve been in that situation for a hundred times since I was a kid. Continue reading One of the Many Things I Suck At – Communicating
Have you ever felt like you are pinned to your day job with zero progress while the younger generation is out there, conquering the world? What is happening?
To clarify, I am a millennial. I am 22 years old, and I am referring to the people who are 1 to 3 years younger than me who are now looking so accomplished. Not everyone, but most of them. I feel like it wouldn’t take a year for me to have a boss that was my junior in highschool. There really is nothing wrong with that, but the problem is with me. I feel like I am stagnant, like everyone else is freely running, reaching their dreams, but I am still learning how to run. Continue reading Older and Less Wiser
I have been drunk a number of times – with that, I meant the drunkest among the people I was drinking with. Sure, drinking is fun but most of the time, I instantly regret drinking the moment I wake up a day after that. I have really bad hangovers, probably because of my lifestyle, yet I always manage to convince myself that the hangover will subside, but the memories will last forever.
There are really times when I crave drinking and some people’s company. Sometimes, I don’t crave drinking but when a friend mentions drinks, I just go with the flow and realize that alcohol tastes as good even when I am not craving it. Continue reading My Thoughts on Alcohol
I haven’t done any research but I’ve heard and seen enough to say that normally, each person has a bestfriend. I never thought that at 21, after all the abilities that I lack, I would end up questioning my ability to keep friends.
When I was a kid, there were a few kids I normally hang out with. I used to think that I had friends, lots of it. I was quite in demand as a playmate. Right now I realize that we were friends because we sat together in class for years or it’s because our moms were friends with each other and we were forced to play as they hang out. Continue reading I Built Friendships I Can’t Keep
I’ve been told many times that my life is boring and for all those times, I tried to argue and reason out. My life isn’t boring just because you have no idea how I am living it. Ofcourse I never said that, but I was so sure that they are only thinking that my life’s boring because they got no clue. I am not obliged to let them know how I am enjoying my life. They are not meant to judge whatever I do in the weekend. It is none of their business and it is absolutely so rude of them to tell me that my life is a lot less enjoyable than theirs. I was holding on to that thought – until someone very close to me told me that. So right now, I am quite convinced that I am living an extremely boring life. And I am both pissed and sad to slowly realize that everyone who’s telling me that I lead a boring life, could be right. Continue reading Am I Leading A Boring Life?
The motivation to socialize.
I am probably one of those people that finds socializing tiring. This comes naturally with most people, but for those who are like me, this requires effort and long deep breaths to get it started. As for me, socializing is both emotionally and physically draining. As much as I want to be very close to the people around me, I just can’t find the courage and the motivation to keep on socializing. Small talk is already a huge deal for me, and this is sadly not one of the things I can get from the training I had with the company. This is something I need to do personally, and it honestly feels like i am waaaaay behind because this comes naturally for most people and I am still struggling with it. Continue reading Things I Should Improve on Myself
It’s not fun to empty your wallet and not get anything from it, but it really feels good to know that you emptied it because someone worth it is gonna get something from it. I was never a fan of giving gifts and shopping. Once, I gave a gift for someone’s birthday, I bought about four items because I couldn’t figure out what he wanted. So I bought four items (that time I am so financially stupid), and gave what I think was the best on the birthday, and I gave the other three the day after that when I finally confessed that I had a hard time looking for a gift. He said, “You shouldn’t have bothered.” Deep down I knew that he’s right.. I shouldn’t have bothered buying 4 gifts when I only need to give 1.
To save you time, and to save myself some time as well, I made a list of the gifts that I’ll be giving this Christmas. I haven’t bought a single thing for the people I’m giving gifts to yet. I am truly hoping that this will work out for me. I’ll make sure to post an update about how this will go. Continue reading Gift Ideas 2017
Life after college, is just the beginning and it scares the hell out of me. I used to tell myself that i will be travelling the world after being handed a diploma. I will be a successful, sophisticated and independent woman when I finally get a hold of my toga. I thought the congratulations would be endless. I thought the smile and the trace of pride on my parents faces will never fade. I thought after college, the struggle ends.
And just like my usual mistakes on quizzes and exams, i was so wrong about my expectations. After college I may travel for miles, for about a week, but nothing happens after that, except for those who are very rich and blessed with inheritance. After college you can’t travel the world because truth is you need to travel town after town, to search for a job that suits you, and allows you to stay alive and well fed at the same time. Continue reading Struggles Went Along With Me When I Left College